tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3087107830772911589.post4923564205599363239..comments2023-08-29T01:59:26.143-07:00Comments on Be Strong, Be Confident: What I've Learned: Part 4Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16251056309107388969noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3087107830772911589.post-49158181344409597582012-01-17T18:17:22.774-08:002012-01-17T18:17:22.774-08:00Hi there, thank you for posting what I wrote &...Hi there, thank you for posting what I wrote & for sharing how it touched you. I hope it will touch other women & bring peace to their hearts. I'm glad we're working on this together too since I've felt so alone in this healing process. I have such a LONG ways to go.Pamelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17744862021540871812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3087107830772911589.post-89553135093187181752012-01-13T13:25:55.006-08:002012-01-13T13:25:55.006-08:00Hi Pamela. I loved what you wrote and posted it fo...Hi Pamela. I loved what you wrote and posted it for the other women to see. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm glad we're here working on this together.Machttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16251056309107388969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3087107830772911589.post-7349800201615557142012-01-10T21:59:13.718-08:002012-01-10T21:59:13.718-08:00Mac,
Thank you for your encouragement. Wow, does ...Mac,<br /><br />Thank you for your encouragement. Wow, does your situation ever sound familiar to me...my husband rarely ever came to me first with a confession...I guess that's probably not so unusual since there's so much shame involved with sexual sin & the addiction to porn (even when it's only gone as far as in the heart and mind). I was thinking about the healing process & how easy it is for family & friends of a loved one who is healing, to want the recovery to be a quick one. It's also easy for the person in pain to want a quick fix too. Yet a doctor on the other hand, knows healing is a process & sometimes a slow one at that. In the natural, we'd probably never find a doctor who'd rush a patient, "hurry up & heal!" How easy it is however, for the person who is broken, to want the healing process to be instant. And often, the family & friends might want to rush the process along, because for some reason, we're so uncomfortable with suffering & broken-ness. Why that is, I don't know. I guess in an emotional & spiritual sense, we shouldn't rush the healing process either, for the Great Physician is NOT panicked by the time it takes for the healing to take place. He is fully aware of it & He understands it & He is ever the great & attentive care giver of every wounded heart. God doesn't just want to put a bandaid on the heart...He wants to be the salve...the healing balm...binding up the wounds...restoring health. Thank you for your transparency & for sharing your story as well. It helps to know I am not alone...that WE are not alone.Pamelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17744862021540871812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3087107830772911589.post-6095756481416029482012-01-09T12:27:12.096-08:002012-01-09T12:27:12.096-08:00Oh, Pamela. Thank you so much for sharing. You are...Oh, Pamela. Thank you so much for sharing. You are not alone in this. I've been meaning to write a post for a while titled "Lest You Think We're Perfect." I concentrate so much on positive thinking here that I'm afraid some people might think I'm not in the same boat. My husband has yet to tell me when he has slipped up. In our entire marriage, he has never come to me to tell me. I have always found out through finding something on the computer or asking him in such a desperate way that he breaks down and admits that he had been lying to me and really had been looking at things. It's something we're working on together, but this time we've reached a different level in his commitment and our communication, and I am 99% sure he is being fully honest with me and that he will come to me the next time something happens. Notice that there is still that 1% doubt in my mind. I'm afraid there always will be. But I actually don't feel guilty about it. It's my reminder that we still need to be vigilant about this. That we can't get relaxed in the battle. That we need to remind our husbands that we are here to support them. But I tend to think that when we think everything is 100% okay then we open ourselves up to pride and think we don't need any more help. Does that make any sense? Perhaps I view this differently than other people. <br /><br />It sounds to me like you are an amazing support to your husband. Don't feel guilty for the mistrust. It is going to take him a long time to kick this habit, and it may well take you just as long to completely med that hole in your trust. It sounds like you're working on it. Don't beat yourself up over it. Do what you can and let God do the rest. Depend on him to help you heal, but don't set unrealistic expectations for yourself. That's the way I look at it. <br /><br />Sending my love!Machttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16251056309107388969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3087107830772911589.post-8275202337210725922012-01-09T12:03:28.424-08:002012-01-09T12:03:28.424-08:00I needed to hear this post. I too have a husband w...I needed to hear this post. I too have a husband who is recovering from a long standing porn addiction & lust problem that has come & gone in the past 20 years of our marriage. This past year & a half was the breaking point of him getting help...it took its toll on both of us. While he is doing remarkably well in the recovery process with God & being transparent w/ a couple of godly Pastors & with the counseling we recieved at MRAP (a counseling center for missionaries & pastors), I find myself still finding it hard to trust his recovery is genuine (since his pattern w/ the porn has been on-again off-again). Due to his shame, there was so much lying & half truths told that I don't know what to believe anymore. What do I do with this shattered trust? I love him with all my heart. I feel so incredibly guilty for struggling with mistrust. I feel like a horrible wife & support for not so quickly believing him. Even though I can see that he is on the right path to recovery & is doing FAR MORE than he ever did before with going to counseling, applying the coping skills he learned, growing in his relationship with God, & with him being accountable to other godly men, why do I still feel like my heart is smashed to peices? Will I ever get beyond this? My hope & prayer is that I will. Will I ever feel security & trust in this heart of mine again? Because right now, it feels like an empty hole. It feels like a fight every day to trust him...to believe what he says to me. I feel alone, ashamed, & gulity for the anger & mistrust I've felt towards my husband. I know nothing is impossible with God...He is able to to hold & heal a shattered heart. I really needed this reminder. Thank you!Pamelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17744862021540871812noreply@blogger.com