I'm a wife dealing with her husband's addiction to pornography. I hope to be a resource for wives (and family members) dealing with similar struggles. Please join in the conversation and leave comments--even if you are here for curiosity's sake and are just learning about this kind of struggle! You can read my story here and the 4 things I think every addict's wife should know here.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Today's post on Ask Mormon Girl

I'm mostly posting this as a place holder for readers from today's Ask Mormon Girl post about pornography in case they venture this way.

I actually enjoy a good discussion on pornography and the church. I am of the opinion that there is so much more damaging about pornography than the actual viewing and masturbation. Psychological issues and addiction issues (both to the viewers and the women in the porn) as well as the terrible association this industry has with sex trafficking and worker's rights. Don't want to believe me? Just know that my line of work is with Human Rights Education at a very well known private university. I'm not just saying this because I'm "religious."

I know of a lot of people who like to use the cop-out "reverse psychology" answer to the pornography problem: men look at porn because they are told not to by the church and their entire culture.

News flash: The church and my religious culture tell me not to beat my kids. I don't have this secret desire to beat my kids. Too harsh of a comparison? Okay. I don't have any desire to smoke, or cheat on my husband, or steal from my favorite clothing store, or shamelessly flirt with the cute guy at... wait, do I know any cute guys? I need to get out more. ;)

Anyway, my point is that this topic is so so so complex. The underlying reasons for why certain men look at and/or are addicted to pornography are complicated and convoluted.

I plan to post soon about these topics as well as touch on the questions posed in today's Ask Mormon Girl's post, including the fact that I knowingly married a guy who has struggled with porn.

Unfortunately, I'm at work today and we are headed away for the weekend (with no internet access).

So if you are interested in these discussions, bookmark this page and come back next week.

Monday, January 7, 2013

at a stand still

I have been in such a foggy mood all week. I just can't stay happy. My husband's contract job ends in two months and I don't make nearly enough money to support us. I am finding myself becoming upset and stressed and resentful, all of which I knew full well would manifest themselves when this time came. I even warned my husband. My mood has had to do with so much more than just the job search, but that is just amplifying all my other struggles.

To sort out my feelings, I started to pour out all my ugly thoughts into my journal (something I only do a few times a year). I was writing and this sentence came out:

I am the one who makes things happen in my life,
 and now I'm at a stand still because I can't do this one.

I can't do this one because it's not mine to do. I cannot find a job for my husband. I cannot be an adult for him. I do everything I need to do to make my life work, so knowing that I am not capable of making my life what I want it to be is so incredibly hard for me. 

So I sit here at a stand still and wait.

I think we are all doing this. In so many different situations.