To sort out my feelings, I started to pour out all my ugly thoughts into my journal (something I only do a few times a year). I was writing and this sentence came out:
I am the one who makes things happen in my life,
and now I'm at a stand still because I can't do this one.
I can't do this one because it's not mine to do. I cannot find a job for my husband. I cannot be an adult for him. I do everything I need to do to make my life work, so knowing that I am not capable of making my life what I want it to be is so incredibly hard for me.
So I sit here at a stand still and wait.
I think we are all doing this. In so many different situations.