He came to me. For the first time in almost a decade of marriage, my husband came to me to tell me that he had had a setback in his progress.
I am grateful.
I am relieved.
It's good to know.
Here's to truth. Here's to trust. Here's to progress.
Wow! Mac... this is great... I remember you telling me how hard this was for you... Way to go Mr. Mac! That is progress and progress is GOOD!
ReplyDeleteLove you! MISS YOU!
Yes. Way to go, Mr. Mac. I sometimes wish he read this blog. Absolutely way to go, Mr. Mac!
DeleteCan I ask you a question? I am dealing with a situation where Husband swears he is not viewing pornography, but i have proof that he is. His lies hurt way worse than the actual act of viewing it. This is becoming a deal breaker in my marriage. I can handle dealing with the addiction. I am struggling with the deceit. How do you cope? What makes you want to stay? Please don't misunderstand this as judgment, I am just seeking advice. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry. I don't assume people here are judging. We have all been through the ringer and I think are pretty understanding of each other.
DeleteWhat makes me stay is that I see him working toward healing and getting rid of the addiction. I'm not sure I'd be able to stay for long if I didn't see any effort of progress in the right direction. (However, if I were actually in that situation, who knows what I'd do. So I don't feel I can give any definitive advice. You know?)
Have you had conversations about the lying? I don't mean where you are super emotional and crying and angry (ahem, when most of my "conversations" used to happen). But at a time when you are calm and detached and can talk about it in a logical way that might make him feel less attacked? I know this is really hard to do, but it helps.
Have you had a chance to attend any 12-step support meetings for the wives/family members of addicts? They are different than the addicts' meetings. They really help a lot. Let me know if you need help finding one.
Way to stay strong Mac...thanks for sharing your hope and trust. I am not sure I am strong enough yet to take a set back. You inspire me :)
ReplyDeleteAnon,
Lying does hurt worse than the actual addiction. Honestly is step one and if you feel your husband us not being honest, then first take it to the Lord. Put your trust in him and you will know how to approach your husband. The Lord will help bring the hidden things of darkness to light. He did that for me. I knew something was't right and I felt I should pray for my husband to awaken to a sense of his duty. To step up and be the patriarch of our home. I had no idea he had relapsed in his addiction. A days later I discovered porn on his phone and approached him about it. He couldn't' lie! It took time, but over the span of 4 days the whole truth was revealed.
I would trust the spirit and you''ll never be led astray.
If your husband has a problem he may not be willing to admit it yet to himself. Don't know you, but I will pray for you. I know the Lord is aware of you.
I am sure Mac has a response as well.
Setbacks are hard in many regards, but once I came to understand that recovery is a process and set backs are part of that process, I was able to handle them more. Writing this out just made me aware that I need to prepare for a new kind of setbacks--episodes of lying (since truth is our new marker of progress). That will be harder for me to handle, but I'm actually really glad you made me realize our new stage in progress. Thanks!
DeleteYay for progress! I too await the day my husband comes to me with honesty. When you step back and look at it, it almost seems silly that something like that would make us happy, but I know that will be when I feel like we are making progress. It's so hard.
ReplyDeleteIt really is hard. Just a new perspective on "happy." Do new shoes make you happy or a relationship based on honesty, you know? A new and better perspective on what matters in life.
Deletechange is real, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteYes. It is.
DeleteIt's ironic to celebrate a setback, but it's a step forward in honesty. Yeah! Thanks for sharing your good news. :)
ReplyDeleteAgreed! I know I've said it before, but I was actually hoping for a setback if it meant honesty came with it. Definitely a step forward overall. I hope this continues.
DeleteWhy do i always get a feeling that the addicts are always playing us?That they know how happy we would be at a setback so they just come upto us and offer us one..and mind you it will always be one..never many.
ReplyDeleteSIGH i dont believe any of these deceivers.