I'm a wife dealing with her husband's addiction to pornography. I hope to be a resource for wives (and family members) dealing with similar struggles. Please join in the conversation and leave comments--even if you are here for curiosity's sake and are just learning about this kind of struggle! You can read my story here and the 4 things I think every addict's wife should know here.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

sick day and letting go

I think Scabs got me sick through Instagram and her blog. Darn those internet germs. So here I sit having a self-proclaimed sick day. Actually, I have to go to work this afternoon, but this morning I'm forcing letting my kids watch TV while I lay on the couch.

This last weekend the stars aligned and I made a small change in the way I'm approaching things in my life. I'd love for this to be a permanent change, but I know myself. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

Sometimes things drop into our lives in rapid succession to teach us a lesson:

1. First, I read this Rowboats and Marbles post on sex being a choice (thanks to Jaded who linked to it in her post this past Saturday). You guys know I like to flip everything around and apply it to my own vices. It got me really thinking about my needs versus my wants and what I'm letting get in the way of my goals.

2. Second, at our church's Stake Conference (broadcast meeting from some of the leaders of our church), Elder Perkins spoke about removing distractions in our lives: those distractions that are keeping us from meeting our goals of both spiritual and temporal self-reliance.

3.Finally, a friend of mine wrote a post about meditating and clearing her mind of all the things that weren't important in her life and concentrating on herself and her family.

So what did I do? I took some time to sit on the floor and meditate. I cleared my head, focusing on the white light caused by the sun shining through the window onto my closed eyelids. Once my head was clear, I thought about what was important in my life. I thought about the distractions. I said to myself, "I will eliminate the distractions." Immediately, the thought came to me, "No, I will let them go." It was such a simple yet peaceful difference. Elimination sounded harsh and difficult. Letting go sounded calming and uplifting and easy.

Let them go.

What are my distractions? Trivial things that keep me from getting enough rest, from paying attention to my kids, from being physically healthy, from being mentally and spiritually sound, from spending real time with my husband. Facebook, email, Instagram, blogs, picking at my skin, eating sweets, and so on. (I mention sweets because I don't get a sugar high. For me it is a straight low. It impacts my entire day--energy, mood, etc. It induces depression in me, yet I keep eating it.) These might sound like silly distractions, but they really are keeping me from my goals. Some are time suckers, some drain my energy, and some keep me from being fully present in my family's life.

So I'm letting them go.

When I see sweets, the words "Let it go" immediately pop into my head. They aren't a need, no matter what my sugar-addicted brain is saying. "Let it go." And it works. I've found myself choosing to eat sweets periodically, but in small quantities and consciously. I start to pick at my skin and immediately think, "Let it go. It's not necessary." I go to bed at night and my instinct is to check Instagram. "Let it go. It won't matter if you miss a day's worth of pictures. You don't need them. You need sleep."

In the last few days I haven't been down or stressed or thinking about the pornography issues, but I'm hoping that by the time it comes I will be able to say "Let it go. You don't need the stress. The insanity in your head is not helping you in any way. Let it go."


  1. YES, Mac! That is EXACTLY what I've been doing. It has been working incredibly well for three months. And I've been feeling the same about my "sweets". I don't have to avoid normal situations to avoid being triggered. I let them go, one by one, as they come up. Pretty girl walks by, no drama, I saw her, now let it go. And so on with just about everything that used to trigger me. I don't know how to better explain it. It's all about the surrendering of my right to lust.

  2. I love the bit about "letting go" rather than "eliminating." It is like opening your fist so something falls away rather than focusing all of your attention onto it in an attempt to get rid of it.

  3. Great post and very timely:)

    My therapist told me yesterday, "Accept your thoughts as they come, negative or positive....you'll drive yourself crazy if you try to control them or replace them with positive thoughts. Whenever we try to replace negative thoughts with positive, we just set ourselves up for failure, because they never truly go away." I laughed and said, "So I am co-dependent of my thoughts."

    She said, "yep...pretty much!"

    She continued, "Negative thoughts will never go away, it's part of life...we will always have negative thoughts. satan will always be apart of our life, but even though you have no control over what thoughts come in. You do have complete control over what you do with them. Just let the thoughts come in and let them go like leaves floating down a river. If a thought provides peace and happiness, hold onto it, if it provides fear, doubt, or craziness, then recognize it for what it is and let it go down stream. Don't choose to give into it."

  4. Love, this Mac. It feels peaceful, right, good. True.

  5. I like this, I like the idea of letting go, and getting on with life.

  6. a great man once said something like this:

    if you're carrying a burden,
    forget a little,
    forgive a litte,
    repent a little and
    leave it alone.

  7. plus hope your day off is relaxing...and you feel better soon! text me cause i lost all my contacts.

  8. I love your admission,

    I'd love for this to be a permanent change, but I know myself. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

    I feel like it's good to recognize that even if all our good intentions, new goals or ideals don't last forever, they are worth the good that they bring us.

    Drops of awesome!

  9. I now want 'Let it go' to become my mantra . . . awesome!