I'm back. It has been a while, hasn't it?
The early-morning scripture study class my husband and I were teaching this year ended last week. My thoughts? Son of a *%!#$ that was hard! It was good. Yes, it was good. I enjoyed studying the New Testament. I enjoyed the students. I enjoyed having a joint calling with my husband. But do you know what? That's about it. My testimony in our church actually weakened throughout the year. Yikes. That's not supposed to happen, right? Interestingly, my testimony of Christ and his teachings were strengthened and I loved that. But my annoyances with the culture and modern-day guidelines of my church also grew. That's an entire blog post in and of itself, but I probably won't write it since this blog isn't about that.
My husband got a job! After 3 years of under employment, he's back on the right track. Let me say this again: Son of a *%!#$ that was hard! His confidence took a serious blow during that time. My confidence in him crumbled. Crumbled, people. It consumed us. It shook our marriage. And now it's in the past (at least for now). We don't even know what to do with ourselves and all our free time in the evenings. The change in both our countenances was practically tangible the day he started his new job.
I think we've made it past the 8 year hate. Take unemployment crap, mix it with trust issues and pornography problems, add it to the 7-year itch, and you've got the 8-year hate. Once again, son of a *%!#$. Yes. That was hard.
And last, but not least, I think we're doing really well on the porn front. I'm in a really good place. He's in a really good place. (Disclaimer: he has lied to me plenty about this in the past, so I take this with a grain of salt. But my heart says he's doing well.) My reaction to the idea of or mention of porn now? It's ridiculous. The industry, the intent, the portrayal of women. All of it. But I don't feel sick inside at the thought of my husband looking at it. My views have evolved. It's the bigger picture that annoys me now. The actual boobs and vaginas are the least of my concerns. Took a long time to get here and I'm sure I have much farther to travel. (Can I mention that *%!#$ and &*^% and $#*% again?)
We may be in the eye of the storm. Who knows. But I'll take it. I'll sit here for a while. It's 11:15pm on a week night and I'm blogging? Do you know why? Because I don't have to get up at 5:30am.