I'm a wife dealing with her husband's addiction to pornography. I hope to be a resource for wives (and family members) dealing with similar struggles. Please join in the conversation and leave comments--even if you are here for curiosity's sake and are just learning about this kind of struggle! You can read my story here and the 4 things I think every addict's wife should know here.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I reserve the right to change my opinions whenever I want.

Dealing with and understanding addiction is a process. A process in which we are lost and know nothing. And then we think we know everything. Then our world flips upside down again. And people give us advice that we think sounds ridiculous. Then we end up giving people advice that we think would work for everyone, because, you know, it worked for us. And then something changes. And we realize we know nothing once again.

Interestingly, today, a year and a half later, I re-read my very first post and made an edit to the 4 things every woman should know. I deleted "And if you and your husband both depend on Him together, He will strengthen your relationship" from #4. (Sadly, we can lean on Christ all we want, but that doesn't mean our relationship will be okay in the end. But we will be okay.)

I think we can all agree that we have gone through different stages and different ideas of what will work for us. I see some women say things that don't make any sense to me and it makes me want to shake them and fill them with my "wisdom" (bahahaha!), and I'm sure my opinions sound ridiculous to them. They may change their minds eventually. And so might I.

And that's okay.

Because we are human. And we are learning. And no one really knows what to do about all this, because it depends on the situation. Are you bursting with confidence? Did you come into this situation already insecure? Is your husband truly an angel in every other aspect but this addiction? Or is he, in the words of a friend, a total douche bag and asshole? Because, you know what? Each of us has to do what's right for each of our situations.

But we're here to support each other. And to push each other. To consider what others have tried. To consider advice that sounds crazy. To recognize the crazy in each of us.

So I reserve the right to change my opinions whenever I want. And you should, too.


  1. things change all the time. I still know nothing!!

  2. Newbie here. Discovered his lies 4 months ago. Trying to stand by him, promised I would. But as we are talking more (and I'm yelling less) the volume of lies is overwhelming. It is a constant struggle between "I'm falling apart and can't handle this" and "don't be a needy, whiny, unconfident wife". I love this man. But I don't know this man anymore. I haven't decided if reading these is helping me or making me dwell on things. I'm hoping the fog of hurt will lift and the path forward will reveal itself soon....

  3. So happy to have found your blog today. My husband and I have been in a recovery program for almost a year. He lied to me about something a few days ago and I've been a little bit rattled....though this is minor compared to earlier issues. It was good to read your blog, get some ideas about consequences/boundaries, and see someone doing well! It was also interesting to see your blog post about church culture, something I'm struggling with. Wondering if you've gotten any answers there as well. Have a wonderful day!

  4. My husband is also a recovering addict under the GreatnessAhead therapy program. I thank you for sharing your story. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this battle. Reading how strong you and some of the comments in your blog inspires me a lot. All the best.

  5. 23 years married-now separated. My worse concern is upsetting my daughter with the truth or blogging and finding community in that way would upset her. What if our grown children? (She’s 24). I feel like the enemy exposing his problem which I hadn’t done till she was 18...