I'm a wife dealing with her husband's addiction to pornography. I hope to be a resource for wives (and family members) dealing with similar struggles. Please join in the conversation and leave comments--even if you are here for curiosity's sake and are just learning about this kind of struggle! You can read my story here and the 4 things I think every addict's wife should know here.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Shamed: and my opinions

I know some of you have seen the posts about the upcoming film project called Shamed, but for any of my readers who have not, I want to share it here. Shamed is a documentary about the hush hush nature of sin in conservative Christian communities, particularly with regard to pornography addiction. I've posted the trailer below. Please read all the way down to the trailer.

I have mixed opinions on this topic, but I don't feel pressured to resolve my mixed opinions any time soon. They will likely just simmer on my mind for years, which is actually okay with me. Here are some of my opinions, even if they contradict each other:
  • We need to be more open about sex with our children and teenagers: about the joys of sex, about the dangers of sex, about the realities of sex.
  • I believe that sex is sacred, but that it does not need to be secret. By never talking about sex, we are teaching many of our youth to either be afraid of it or ashamed of it or experimental in unhealthy ways.
  • I don't think airing our sins before everyone around us is necessary. If this were a perfect world and everyone were accepting and understanding, I think we could talk openly about our vices and weaknesses. Unfortunately, too many of us judge people according to their weaknesses and tend to remember only that about them long after the "sin" has been overcome. Regardless of whether they are part of the conservative Christian community.
  • At the same time, I think we should be able to talk about it openly. I'd love to convince myself that I don't care what anyone else thinks.
  • I've said this before, but I don't think the naked human body is bad and it bothers me that the exploitation of the human body in addictive pornography makes nude or semi-nude art a problem in our homes.
  • I don't actually think masturbation is bad but it crosses a line with addiction that makes it a problem, and I think we need to talk to our youth about this.
  • I do think we need to have more open communication with the people we trust and love. I'm afraid to tell my family members (who are my best friends) about my husband's pornography addiction out of fear that the conservative ones will judge him and the liberal ones will try to tell me that porn is no big deal. How sad that this is keeping me from seeking their support in my struggle.
  • I think stern warnings against the dangers of pornography addiction from our church leaders are glossed over by most of our youth, so I think what we really need are brave men who will sit down with a group of youth at church on Sunday, look them straight in the eye, and tell them how addiction has ruined their life. I will always remember the sister in our ward who came into our youth class and told us how incredibly difficult it had been for her to give up her baby for adoption as a teenager. Real people sitting in front of you telling real life stories have the most effect.
  • I wish I were strong enough to be one of those real people telling my real-life story. Maybe some day I will be.
The people in this documentary are brave enough to tell their real-life story. I think this is an important project that will spur more open communication.

In order for the project to move forward, they have to raise $40,000 in pledges by February 15th. I don't have much money, but I pledged what I could. It's an all or nothing project. If they raise $40,000 in pledges by the 15th, then your credit card will be charged with your pledge amount and the project will move forward. If the $40,000 is not met, your card will not be charged and the documentary will not be completed. Please watch the video below and, if you are able, pledge your support here. People don't know how much of a problem pornography addiction is until they are in the throes of it. Let's help raise awareness before that.

Shamed Teaser - V2 from Girl with a Curl on Vimeo.

What are your thoughts on this project? Is it something you want to support? As Jane put it for those of us who are not yet ready to talk openly about our experiences, are we willing to put our money where our mouths should be so that someone else can?


1 comment:

  1. I know we've talked a little bit about this before- but you mentioned again that you don't think masturbation is wrong. How do you think you'll approach it with your kids?