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| Do you know the name of this Dali painting? Let me know and I'll find a good source to link here. |
Do you know what codependency is? Essentially it's when your thoughts, emotions, and actions start revolving too much about your loved one's addiction. The fact that the addiction has taken over their life takes over your life. You spend all your time thinking about it and addressing it. Mrs. A put it perfectly the other day; take a minute to go read her post here. Codependency is exhausting.
I also realized that this blog, though a HUGE part of my own recovery and a HUGE support and blessing in my life through the women I have met, was taking over my thoughts. I was posting all the time and neglecting my family blog. As I began to focus on myself and less on the addiction, I've pursued some new things and am taking care of myself. I've taken a little step back. Not too big of a step, because you guys are my lifeline! But, I have spent a little more time reading what you have been writing and a little less time writing my own posts. Don't worry, I plan to start posting more regularly again soon, but I needed to focus more attention on non-addiction aspects of my life for a bit.
In the meantime, I love this post by Jane yesterday. She sure knows how to calm a troubled heart!
Not to mention I made Scabs' (aka April) chocolate chip cookies tonight. So so so yummy.
And for the single ladies out there who have had your families torn apart by this addiction: A brother from our church gave the most WONDERFUL talk during our semi-annual worldwide broadcast conference today. I don't know his name, but he was the bald one with the cool glasses, and he spoke in the first half hour of the afternoon session. He addressed the women who are going it alone. It made me cry. You are so so so strong. We all are. We can handle so much. As soon as the talks are posted (they will eventually have it as audio, video, and text), I will post a link here.
I hope you are all doing well. Sending all my love.
Thanks for mentioning that talk, Mac. It was Elder David S. Baxter of the Quorum of the Seventy! Fantastic address, wasn't it? It really touched my heart. Here's a shout out to the other single mommas! YOU GO GIRLS!
ReplyDeleteHere's a link to the summary until the full transcript is published: http://www.lds.org/church/news/2012-general-conference/saturday-afternoon?lang=eng#david-s-baxter
DeleteThanks, Angel! I will add the link. All I could remember was his head and his glasses... ;)
DeleteAnd his adorable accent!
DeleteYeah, I liked that talk too. It was a great shout out to all of us single parents alone together:)
ReplyDeleteHAHA! About a Boy, anyone??
DeleteWhat a beautiful post Mac... I think that this is wonderful that you took a break to really work on your and your healing! I always love to read your words, but I'm happy you're working on YOU, too.
XOXO
SPAT. I love it.
DeleteWait a minute - hold the phones - YOU HAVE NON-ADDICTION ASPECTS OF LIFE? (please please please let the sarcasm come through this text...) Good for you! I look forward to that day. :D
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful talk this morning!
I know, crazy huh?? ;) Sometimes they just feel a little buried. Got to dig up those "me" aspects of our lives, huh?
DeleteWhen I read the words "Essentially it's when your thoughts, emotions, and actions start revolving too much about your loved one's addiction" the thought came to me...The only person I should be co-dependent with or on is the Savior, Jesus Christ and let my thoughts, emotional, and actions revolve around Him. That truth was spoken so cleary to my heart. As wives of porn addicts - struggling to break the bands of co-denpendence-let us all remember the Savior and be dependent on Him. Then and only then will our co-dependent behavior with our husbands stop. We all need to "Stop-It" as Elder Uchtdorf stated in conference. Stop it and turn to the Savior.
ReplyDeletethe wife of a porn addict
Hello Wife! I love the idea of sharing our burdens and thoughts with the Savior. Letting him share the yoke (or even take it completely). It's hard to do, though, isn't it? We feel we need to do it all on our own and on top of that control and "guide" and "fix" our addicted loved ones. I just need to remind myself daily to "stop it," right? Stop trying to do it all. Be dependent on the Lord. Thank you.
DeleteI can SO TOTALLY attest to the power of laying our burdens at the Lord's feet. Wife, you hit it SPOT ON. It is so liberating, strengthening, and empowering to let him be the guide, to let him love and support you, because his love is perfect. Once I started doing this, my husband noticed a change. Things started happening--it drove us further apart, but I finally felt OKAY. A few weeks later, he told me about his long-term deviant adultery. I felt shattered, but I knew the Lord would help me. ANd he made my life a living miracle.
Deletelol! Thanks for the link up...those cookies are delish, right?! I have no idea what I'm still doing up at 12:30 am! I've got to get to bed, but wanted to answer your question. I live in AZ. How about you?
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm not a co-dependent, I just want to help people that can't help themselves! just kidding just kidding...alright I'm off to bed. wish me a peaceful slumber
Yes. The cookies were soooo good. We ate half as cookies and half as dough... I'm in CA. Too bad, huh?
DeleteToo bad. Cause I'd love to chat. If I head out to Cali I'll let you know, maybe we can meet up.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely do.
DeleteOr both of you could come to UTAH!!!! say word.
ReplyDeleteOr Tahoe? ;)
Delete