I'm a wife dealing with her husband's addiction to pornography. I hope to be a resource for wives (and family members) dealing with similar struggles. Please join in the conversation and leave comments--even if you are here for curiosity's sake and are just learning about this kind of struggle! You can read my story here and the 4 things I think every addict's wife should know here.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

where are the men?

Hi everyone. Someone used to have a link on their blogroll to a blog written by two guys who are helping each other overcome their pornography addictions. But I can't find the link anymore. Anyone know what I'm talking about? (Thank you, Angel, for sending me the link! http://familyprestige.blogspot.com/)

And why aren't more men who are winning this battle blogging about their experiences? Don't they realize that their wisdom is needed??

I tried to get my husband to respond to an email I received since I figured he would have more wisdom for that particular person than I, but he just stared at the computer for 20 minutes and declared that he didn't know what to write. I wish he could share what he has learned, but I have to accept that it's not my decision to make or push.

Where are the men in this discussion?
Posted by at 9:46 PM

11 comments:

  1. AngelApril 4, 2012 at 9:52 PM

    Hi, Mac. I have that link on the blogroll on my sidebar. It's called "Master Myself, Master the World." Here's the link: http://familyprestige.blogspot.com/

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  2. JaneApril 5, 2012 at 10:20 AM

    I tried to get my husband to write a post for my blog once. It didn't go anywhere. As it is my husband can barely get himself to open up to the people who he HAS to (myself, the counselor the bishop) and sadly I think it's pride. He doesn't want to feel vulnerable or express his emotions. It's really too bad though, I think it would so good to hear more of their perspective.

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    Replies
    1. NoraApril 10, 2012 at 8:46 AM

      Pride was one of the worst stumbling blocks to my ex husband's recovery. He had this feeling that he was invincible, that nothing could touch him. How scary and weird that is, when you are the MOST vulnerable and need the MOST help, that your addiction makes you feel SAFE!?! What a strange phenomenon.

      Delete
    2. MacApril 12, 2012 at 9:13 AM

      I do think it has a lot to do with pride. My husband doesn't write much anyway. He was never one to leave me notes while we were dating, writes the absolute minimum words necessary to convey things in emails and texts, etc. So it doesn't surprise me that he doesn't want to write things down. But I do think it makes them uncomfortable to face it in words. Perhaps that is pride or shame or just being uncomfortable with themselves.

      Delete
  3. AngelApril 5, 2012 at 7:32 PM

    I've given a lot of thought to this question since I saw it last night. "Where are the men?" Want to hear my take? They are off trying to fix it. That's what they do. They are men. They fix things. Mac, did you ever read Mars and Venus back in the day? That book drove me crazy, so I can't really say I read it, per se. I think "scanned" might be a better word. If I remember correctly though, one of the concepts from the book was that men want to solve the problem, and women solve the problem in part just by going through the process. Am I making any sense?

    Case in point: Your husband sits down at the computer staring at that email. He thinks, "I don't know the answer to this. I don't know how to fix this. I can't tell this person how to solve his/her problem." So he gives up and doesn't write anything. However, you or I have an issue. What do we do about it? We blog our guts out about it. We write, we vent, we discuss, we get great feedback from our support system. (Comments are so satisfying, aren't they?! I love it when I know someone has HEARD me!) In the end, is the problem solved? Maybe, maybe not. Do we feel better? Heck yeah, we do! Because we went through the process. And for us, just the process in and of itself is healing for us.

    Now, don't get me wrong. This may be a gross over-generalization. All men are not the same, just like all women are not the same. For your husband, maybe it's not true. For mine it was. I'm just sayin' ... You asked: Where are they in the discussion? And I'm thinking: Blogging, discussing, processing the way we do -- it's just not the way they heal, so for us it might feel like they're MIA. I agree with you and Jane though. I think it would be valuable to hear more of their perspective. If only it weren't so much like PULLING TEETH to draaaaag it out of them! Like I said, though, maybe not all of them. No offense, guys.

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    Replies
    1. MacApril 12, 2012 at 9:14 AM

      Yes. I think my husband is a lot like this. You're right--not all are. But it's a somewhat valid generalization.

      Delete
  4. Buffalo GalApril 6, 2012 at 1:07 PM

    Amen to Angel & Jane. I wish people would say things. But at the same time I don't know if Husband woudl read them. I think it would be incredibly beneficial for him - but he's not so great with the keeping up with people and how they're doing. Maybe it's a selfish/pride thing.

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    1. MacApril 12, 2012 at 9:15 AM

      My husband knows about all our blogs, but he doesn't read them--not even mine. So you're right, he probably wouldn't read others.

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  5. Wife AApril 7, 2012 at 9:27 PM

    I know the men who write family prestige.. INCREDIBLE men. glad you are enjoying it. they are fighters!

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    Replies
    1. MacApril 12, 2012 at 9:15 AM

      Yes, I am so impressed that they write! And they are so real and honest about it. I think that is important.

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