I'm a wife dealing with her husband's addiction to pornography. I hope to be a resource for wives (and family members) dealing with similar struggles. Please join in the conversation and leave comments--even if you are here for curiosity's sake and are just learning about this kind of struggle! You can read my story here and the 4 things I think every addict's wife should know here.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

When Your'e Down and Out

Walker Evans, 'Truck and Sign' (1928-30) Source
My go-to remedy when I'm down and out is to pray for comfort. Nothing comforts like Heavenly Father. It's true. What's funny is that it usually takes me being really down and practically sobbing to remember to pray for comfort. And when I do, it comes. My problems aren't solved. I'm not suddenly Miss cheerful and happy. But I'm calm.

I wish I could remember to pray for that comfort on a regular basis instead of waiting until I'm a wreck.

I was reading in my 12-step manual the other week and came across this scripture: "Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you" (3 Nephi 18:20, Book of Mormon). My first thought was, "Yeah right. How many times have these women prayed that this could be taken from their lives?" But then I started thinking about the phrase "which is right," and it suddenly clicked. It's all about what we are asking. One of the concepts that has stood out most throughout all this recovery stuff is that we cannot control others. We cannot take away their agency. God gave us all the ability to choose for ourselves. He believes in this principle more than almost anything else. Asking him to force our loved ones to do the right thing goes against the concept of agency.

So instead, I try to pray for that "which is right." For those things that align with the concept of agency. Please comfort me. Please help me to be happy. Please give my husband the strength he needs to make good decisions.

 But mostly I pray for comfort. Because I know it will come.


  1. Did I ever tell you I really love you? cause i do. Just read your comments on my Excommunication post.

    I've been thinking about this prayer thing a lot too. And I read this recently about Nephi being tied up on the ship and tsunami-like waves threatening to destroy. He prayed for strength. And then he probably struggled and twisted and tore the flesh on his wrists and it was painful, and maybe he felt like it was impossible but ultimately he was given that strength. He broke free and saved his family. I want to break free and save my family.

  2. April- Did I ever tell you I really love you? cause i do.

    Mac- you know I love you. And I'm here to say that it does work, the comfort does come. Because if God took away our husbands agency then they would miss out on learning the things they are learning to be the SUPER awesome husbands they are going to be. Maybe.

    Regardless, we are capable of being happy.

  3. Sometimes for me it is hard to pray. It means actually feeling and facing my true emotions and being vulnerable. I hate the feeling of being vulnerable. It feels like a weakness. I need to remember that it isn't!

    Thanks for your post!

  4. Ah thank you Mac! This is just what I've been needing and thinking about lately!! Thanks for posting :)