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| Shiro Kuramata,
Revolving Cabinet,
1970 Source |
Lately I have been feeling down about my husband's employment situation again. I feel like I am on a pendulum that swings between feeling surprisingly positive about our future and feeling like he is going to struggle in his career for the rest of our lives. When am on the latter swing, I get this terrible pit in my stomach and want to give up.
Especially when I look realistically at why things may not be working out the way we had hoped.
You see, my husband has always wanted to work on the international side of things. That involves travel. Often lots of it. Travel involves being away from us for long periods of time.
Sometimes I worry that God knows better. Maybe He knows that our marriage wouldn't stand up to that test.
As if unemployment and difficulty pursuing a career and him feeling like a failure and me not being able to be home with our kids weren't hard enough, the possibility that this could all lead back to the addiction makes me sick.
Sick.
Waiting for the pendulum to swing back to the other side. I could use some positive thinking right now. I will be patient.
I'm a little skeptical, like you, that everything happens for a reason. I'm more prone to believe in coincidences and bad luck. In the old manual on Step 2 it talked about a gratitude journal, and one time President Eyring gave a talk about how gratitude helps us recognize the Lord's hand in our lives. Now I feel like before this trial I was doing a lousy job at gratitude because I was refusing to give God credit for all the things he was doing. I think that's just all part of faith, REALLY believing that he takes care of us.
ReplyDeleteHope you swing back soon!
It all comes back to gratitude, right? Seriously. I feel like I could write a book on gratitude. It has been my saving grace.
DeleteI love what Jane said. We are dealing with a VERY similar situation-except we don't have kids. But the stress is really high right now in the -- family. I hope he finds what the Lord needs him to be doing soon. Sending you prayers and hugs!
ReplyDeleteI feel for you secretbattles! Sending you prayers and hugs, too! One day we'll look back on this and it will seem like such a distant past, huh?
Deletethat is so hard, because I am sure he knows it is his job to Provide for his family. that is hard for any man if things are not going according to plan for his career. Just remember Stress and temptation is going to come no matter what he is doing.
ReplyDeleteBut I understand the concern with the travel. Heavenly father will lead your family to where it is supposed to go, have faith. easier said than done. Believe me I know,,,,, we all know (:
Yeah. Although I talk about how hard it is for me, he keeps most of it inside. I just have to remind myself that it's probably harder for him. Thanks, olives!
DeleteI have learned that the Lord wants to give us the very BEST, which is often NOT what I have in mind for myself. Trust that. Trust in the something better, or look for things to learn during the pendulum swing. One thing I remember from therapy when I was married is this: when my husband (or anyone else in my life) is trying to make me ride their emotional roller coaster with them, GET OFF the ride. I'm not sure if that's applicable to this particular situation, but it is a good principle to keep in mind when life is stressful and crazy. Sending you encouragement and love, Mac!
ReplyDeleteGot to get off the roller coaster. I'm getting better and better at that, but sometimes I grab on as it flies by! Let it go. Let it go...
DeleteHang in there, Mac. I don't have anything profound to say. But just know we are all rootin' for ya! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Angel!!
DeleteOh Mac... I'm so sorry and you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers! I can't imagine the feelings you must be feeling considering the work situation... and Iike Angel said, I have nothing really profound to say... but I want to let you know that we are here... everyone of us... we are here for you...
ReplyDeleteI don't really believe that everything happens for a reason... I think people make choices and bad things happen to good people and a lot of really good things happen to all people too... I do believe that He is with us though, every step of the way. He is with you Mac... and we all are too... cheering you on :)
Sending you love tonight!
XO
Thanks, Jacy! Nice to have you in the cheering section. (And nice to have the reminder that He is in the cheering section as well.)
DeleteMen are weird! Really, their self worth is tied to so many exterior factors. The right job, the right amount of money, the right car, home, sex, pride, macho, reputation etc...i could never understand this with my husband. I remember saying, "u have everything in the world you need to be happy but you're still searching."
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning, it wasn't porn or sex that my husband sought after to self medicate his self proclaimed "looserdom",it was gambling. Money down the drain! No food, can't pay the rent or the car pmt can't pay the electrical bill...i felt resentment that I had to work and pick up his slack. I don't know why I'm telling you this except i know how difficult financial pains are. rambling...
I believe life is a path and you can't take a step forward without having taken the previous step. In my eyes. All things might truly be connected.
I'm sorry your feeling sad tonight. Wishing you peace in the near future.
Yep. My husband definitely wants a lot more material things than I do. I'll bet it does tie to his self worth. So much of the media emphasizes that men are supposed to have all these expensive things. I'm sure that doesn't help him feel any better about the career troubles. Feel free to ramble all you want about financial woes. I'm right there with you. ;)
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