But at the same time, I didn't. It really does get better. YOU get better.
Let me explain. For the past 8 months, I've been using phrases like "as far as I know" and "Could he still be lying? Yes." I'm no fool. Or maybe I should say it this way: my gut is no fool. I did a little snooping. The record isn't 100% clean. I'm not actually surprised. Disappointed? Sure. Angry? Only a teeny bit. Sad? Nope. Crazy? Oh thank goodness--no!
You see, I'm finding the names of web sites and laughing out loud. I'm not even kidding. How do they come up with these cheesy names? I think you know you're on the healing path when the reaction in your mind moves from life shattering to recognizing that it's all ridiculously absurd and pitiful. It's the dishonesty that hurts. The porn itself is just absurd.
I actually do think that my husband is doing better. But the honesty is not there yet.
Regardless of his recovery successes or failures, I have gotten better. And YOU can get better. When you work on healing yourself, what they do just doesn't matter as much any more. Yes, it still sucks. Yes, it still makes you question the future. But I know I'll be fine. And knowing that is HUGE. It's huge.