I'm a wife dealing with her husband's addiction to pornography. I hope to be a resource for wives (and family members) dealing with similar struggles. Please join in the conversation and leave comments--even if you are here for curiosity's sake and are just learning about this kind of struggle! You can read my story here and the 4 things I think every addict's wife should know here.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

I think about you often

I never intended to have a 3-month break from blogging. I don't actually like being "that" kind of blogger. Just so you all know--I think about you often.

I consider you my friends. My sisters. My very strong yet oh-so-fragile sisters. You share something so intensely personal with me.

A while back I was able to get together with some of my fellow bloggers. It was the most amazing experience. I don't know what their kids' names are. I don't know any of their birth stories. I don't know how they met their husbands. I'm not even sure of some of their last names. Take all that (often ridiculous and repetitive) small talk that goes on at every play date or park day or party and throw it out the window. There's no need for small talk when you can jump straight to conversation that normally hides in the deep corners of your soul.

That's how I feel with all of you here.

That's why I miss you.

Let me tell you where I have been. I may have mentioned my new job (which I LOVE). It keeps me very, very busy. On top of that, my husband and I are team-teaching early-morning seminary this year. Seminary in our religion is a weekday scripture study class for high-school age students. We teach every weekday at 6am. Yes--6am. And we spend every evening preparing for said 6am class. As if that wasn't enough, I also tutor a high-school student. And with two small kids at home, there really isn't much time to sit down and read blog posts let alone comment on them and/or write my own posts.

I have been reluctant to talk about this before because I feel it is one more clue in the mystery of who I am. That someone will come here and put the pieces together. My kids' ages. My pseudonym. That I teach seminary. That I tutor. My husband's endless job search.

Do you know what? WHO CARES?

If someone knows me well enough to put two and two together, then I'm probably okay with them knowing my story. The only reason I don't share who I am publicly is for my husband.  So if he ever decides to tell people about his struggles, I will let him. Until then, if you figure out who I am and you know me, feel free to email me.

And I will leave it at that tonight. To say that I think about you often is an understatement. Sending my love.


  1. Miss your blogging girl. Fun update!

    'Admin' Michelle :-)

  2. I found your blog listed on the forum. I am a new blogger as of August.

    That's really cool that you were able to get together with some of the recovery bloggers. Some days I wish I had a WOPA Club to have lunch with. It's tough feeling like I am the only wife in my ward with this secret to carry. I am anonymous as well for my husband, but it would be nice to have someone I know that I can connect with.

    1. Chances are you aren't the only wife in your ward carrying this burden, but it's such a sensitive topic to bring up that we all suffer in silence. At least now you have us. It's not as great as in person, but nice to know you have a support group, right?

  3. YES!! I was so excited that you posted!! I have been thinking about you lately. You are one busy girl, but that is so incredible that you are able to do all of that! What bonding time with your husband to be team teachers for seminary! I love that you are so involved.

    Also, I miss you too. I miss ALL of you. I love what you said that we don't even know last names or birth stories or how we spend our Saturdays. But we know each others pain and fears and insecurities. I will never forget that one weekend. I STILL think about it, and it STILL gets me through the harder days, because I know there is one place in the world that is completely safe and full of love.

    Thank you! Love you!! Glad to hear you are doing well :)

    1. Busy, busy. Did you hear Elder Uchtdorf's conference talk about how some people wear busy-ness as a badge of honor? I've been guilty of that far too often. I don't know how to NOT be busy. But some down time sure sounds nice right about now. Miss you, too!

  4. Er, I guess 'fun' isn't really the best adjective for the tone of this post, but I was just happy to hear from you. ;)


    1. Our definition of "fun" is totally skewed. Hahaha!